Last weekend, as I drove back home from (never mind), I stopped to chat with Ms. Pigette. It has been a tough winter, and she was sort of frozen shut, except for the pigtail (sorry) hanging through the outer coating of ice and mud. You guessed it, it was the charging cord for her iPhone, so I pulled a solar charger from the glove box and hooked her up. A day later, my phone rang. Of course, it was herself, and she proceeded to read me the riot act for not stopping sooner. She liked the solar charger, but said it took too much time to charge her phone.

Then she got right to the point. “Are we in trouble?”

Well, I replied. It is winter in Maine. I am in a nice warm house with dinner on the stove, and you are standing beside Route 27 holding up a mailbox. What part of we do you mean?

“OK, smart guy. We, both of us, have taken a few potshots at the current administration. And that same administration is hitting back at some critics.

"You know, at least one late-night comic is losing his show. POTUS’ alleged political enemies face indictments. A former Fox TV talk show host, now U.S. Attorney in the District, tried to get a grand jury to indict a half dozen legislators for reminding armed service members they don’t have to follow illegal orders. Thanks to Murgartroyd, the grand jurors refused to sign a true bil.

"I thought the legal eagles claimed a prosecutor could get a grand jury to indict a ham sandwich. After all, they only have to present one side of a problem. Shouldn’t that be a slam dunk?”

OK. Let’s check the record, I said. Our friends at the New York Times just looked up that very question, and the numbers they found are startling. The two times a Virginia fed prosecutor tried to indict NY Attorney General Leticia James produced nothing. The same happened when she tried to indict former FBI chief James Comey. The Times found many other cases where grand juries declined to prosecute alleged political crimes.

A Washington, D.C. grand jury also refused to charge a man with felony assault for throwing a foot-long turkey Subway sandwich at a federal officer. Prosecutors then filed misdemeanor charges against the Subway sandwich pitcher and brought him to trial. When prosecutors put the federal officer on the stand, he testified, under oath, that his uniform smelled of onions and mustard, and later that night, he found an onion hanging from the antenna of his radio. The jury listened to his testimony and found the old sandwich man not guilty.

The Times also found that in 2016, the DOJ filed 155,000 cases and failed to secure indictments in just six. A quick check on the web finds lots of stories where federal judges appointed by Democrats and Republicans, including some by Mr. Trump, scolded government prosecutors for failing to live up to judicial standards.

I guess, Ms. Pigette, that means we don’t have to worry about the feds coming after us. If they can’t convict the big boys, the little guys, like us, shouldn’t worry. And, my dear friend, the White House gang has more on their mind than worrying about the simple potshots thee and me take at them.

Last week, stories about the Epstein files dominated the front pages of newspapers, TV shows and the internet. At a televised congressional hearing, Pam Bondi, the U.S. Attorney General, was asked to turn around, face and apologize to a half dozen sex attack survivors of the Epstein sex circus. She declined.

During a sort of free-for-all questioning by Democrats, Bondi was asked why she had not indicted any of Epstein’s clients. She answered that the Dow Jones Industrial Average is over 50,000. I am not making that up.

Meanwhile, in Washington, the House passed a GOP measure that would require voters to present a passport or birth certificate to register to vote. Republicans claim it would ensure fair elections, while Democrats disagreed, saying it would disenfranchise many voters.

FYI, last year, a similar measure requiring voters to present a photo ID in order to cast a ballot was presented to Maine voters. It was defeated 63.7% to 36.3%.

“Wouldn’t that GOP voter ID bill suppress the women’s vote?” asked Ms. Pigette.

I think so, I replied. Birth certificates carry the family name of a woman. Don’t some women change their last name when they marry? Could they be blocked from voting if their married name does not match up with the name on their birth certificate?

Now, to the real mystery. Recently, POTUS, who loves huge crowds as much as anything, declined to attend the Super Bowl, the Olympics and the Daytona 500. Just wondering.