Dear Editor:

An evil queen incessantly asks her magic mirror, “Who is the fairest of them all?” On queue, it answers, “You are.” This echo chamber of vanity and egotism keeps her in power until a “fairer” one comes along and deposes her.

Thus, the fairy tale — and now, its sequel: The jealous queen has placed human mirrors of self-admiration in every department and office of the federal government. Thanks to them, public revulsion, legal setbacks, and international failures have had no effect on her narcissism.

To assure herself that she is truly “big and beautiful,” she commands her subjects to create a colossal mirror, 2,000 feet long, 167 feet wide and, like her, shallow. To project her professed love of her kingdom, this mirror is backed by blue plastic.

Planning to celebrate the anniversary of her reign by gazing into it before adoring throngs of peasants, she sees that her reflection is clouded by billious green slime. Screaming for the heads of the villains who vandalized her looking glass, she orders a new one … only to see, once again, her putrid image. Rather than accept what this new mirror shows her, she retreats into her default mode of solipsistic fury. But her reign has passed its ‘best if used by’ date, and Its stench is harder than ever to cover up.

If only this were just a fairy tale ... But right now, an insecure president needs to see his scowling, silverback image everywhere: nine portraits inside what’s left of the White House, including a larger-than-life-size depiction of his televangelist hairdo, done by a ‘Christian speed artist’; mirrors positioned to reflect himself and those pictures; massive banners covering federal office buildings; his ubiquitous mugshot, meme coins, and the limited-time-only Patriot Passports. His pathological need for self-affirmation is limitless. As his subjects, we must bear the costs of his vanity.

When an interviewer asked him about his capacity for introspection, he said that he doesn’t look within: “I might not like what I see.” We have, and we definitely don’t like it.

Bill Hammond

Boothbay