Some of you may have noticed that I released a second album in my budding singer/songwriter career.  To say that I’ve been wildly successful would be a slight overstatement.  But I think that’s just temporary until I’m “discovered”.  In the meantime, ... 

I’ve come to the conclusion that the only thing standing between me and a wildly successful music career is my name.  Now don’t get me wrong.  “Skip Simonds” is a perfectly durable, wearable name.  It’s stood the test of time and done me well for the past 78 years and counting. 

But ... 

If, in this issue of the Boothbay Register, you saw an ad saying “This week at The Boothbay Opera House: Skip Simonds,” I think it would induce a sizeable yawn and maybe “Oh, look! Avocados are on sale at Hannaford.” 

So clearly, I need a new name … a stage name, of course.  A name that sounds familiar, drips of “I know this guy, don’t I?”, and rolls off the tongue like … I don’t know … “Grey Poupon.”  And after 15 minutes of exhaustive research, I found it.  The perfect stage name. 

George “Cookie” Cutter 

Perfect. I mean, just perfect. Sounds like he’s been around forever. Obviously got his nickname in high school where he formed a garage band.   

Garage band? Yeah … I need a band to go with my new stage name. Some friends and I recently formed one we are working on moving out of the garage, but obviously we need to “relaunch!” The band needs a name, too.

George “Cookie” Cutter and The Yeastie Boys 

Oh, yeah. Now we’re cooking. And, of course, the band members will need stage names. Something like this:

“Cookie” Cutter – vocals and guitar 

Sue Tollhouse – bass 

David Butter – keyboard 

“Big” Tom Tiny – cello 

Now this means we can launch a whole new mix of songs.  I can see our greatest hits album already taking shape: 

I Knead You 

I Was Bread to Love You

You Bake Me Love You

You Left My Heart to Rise

You’re Still My Butter Half

You Left. Now My Life is Burnt Biscuits

You’re the Yeast of My Problems 

And when we go live, we could personalize some cover songs: 

How Deep is Your Dough (Bee Gees)

I Wanna Dough Your Hand (Beatles)

Don’t Go Breakin’ My Tart (Elton John)

Born to Be Rye (Steppenwolf)

Loaf Me Tender (Elvis)

Stairway to Leaven (Led Zeppelin)

Well, there you have it. Success is mine. I’ve sent a proposal to the band and I’m waiting for their response, but I’m taking all this very seriously. In fact, I’ve already commissioned an album cover for our first album.

So, from now on, when you see me at the dump or Hannaford, just call me George, or if I know you well, “Cookie.”