On Friday, my phone rang and, reluctantly, I answered, and was curtly told: “Wait a minute. I am busy on the other phone.” Oh, swell, it is Ms. Pigette, and she now has two phones. And I waited for a couple of minutes for her to get back on the line.

“Is that you?” she asked. “Look, you called me,” I said. “Who did you think it was, the New York Times?“

“I knew it wasn’t the NY Times,” she said. “I talked to them yesterday. Unlike you, you nasty old reprobate, they were respectful and kind.”

“And why would the NY Times call a wooden figure whose life's work has been standing beside a highway holding up a mailbox?” I asked. Well, they heard I might be thinking about running for the US Senate,” she said. “What would give them that idea?” “They said the tip came from an undisclosed source.” “Fess up, darling. Did you leak it to them?” “No comment,” she answered.

“OK. What makes you think you should begin your political career by running for the Senate against a powerful five-time incumbent who is well known around the state?” “Look at my qualifications," she said. "Voters say they always want a candidate who stands up for them. I have stood tall at my post for years, except for a time a few years ago, when I did take some time off to have some work done on my, you know, never mind.” And she continued. “Who is more familiar with the federal bureaucracy than I? I cooperated with the USPS for years, and by the way, who is better qualified to solve the farm problem than moi?”

“Ya, ya, ya,” I said. “That is all a bunch of gobble-de-gook. Why should donors send money to you? If they want an alternative to Susan Collins, why pick you, rather than the other possible candidates?”

She paused for a moment, then spoke up. “Just look at the alternatives who are already in the race. You got the beer man. Now I like beer as much as the next pig, but does that qualify him to sit in the U.S. Senate and vote on major foreign policy legislation? Recently, the Sullivan harbormaster jumped into the race with a big national media splash. As much as I love Maine oysters, especially the ones fished from the Damariscotta River, what does he know about anything, except the tides, and probably the complex federal tax structure for watermen?”

“Pishposh, you senile old dog,” she remarked. "The only real qualification is to earn one more vote than the other candidate."

“There are lots of Democrats who are sniffing around the 2026 Senate race, but aren’t they just biding their time awaiting a decision from Gov. Janet Mills?” I said. “Will Mills run against Collins? Who knows? Mills is 77 years old, and Collins is 72. They are both strong Maine women, and you know how much I admire strong Maine women. But is it time for a younger generation to represent us? Before the last presidential election, I said both candidates were too old to hold the toughest job in the world. Today, POTUS is 79, and Joe Biden is 82. Was I wrong?

Look, my curvy friend, you know how much I admire folks who graduated from high school in the 1950s. You know how much I love folks who thought a VW bus was way cooler than a ’57 Chevy rag top, and I still have fond memories of girls who wore saddle shoes. But isn’t that generation too old to run the world?”

“Oh yes, Ms. P, where do you think you might find enough scratch to run against Collins? Remember, Sara Gideon raised $74 million in 2020, and still lost to Collins by eight percentage points.”

She thought for a moment. “How about the local guy who just won $50,000 for catching an 800-pound tuna. I wonder if he might part with a fat check to help out a local girl?”

“I doubt it,” I replied. “I know that kid, and I know his mother. I’ll bet she would not be amused if he did something stupid with his winnings, like donating a major sum to a political candidate whose day job is holding up a mail box beside the road to Wiscasset.”

“Now, what else is on your mind?"

“Well,” she mused. “I see Judge somebody, the ex-Fox News pundit who was appointed US Attorney for the District of Columbia, is finding it is difficult to be tough on crime and criminals. She asked the grand jury to indict a guy for assault because he flung a Subway sandwich at a federal agent. Is that an example of being tough on crime? Charge a mope with felony sandwich assault?”

"Never mind," I said as she hung up.