THE REAL PROBLEM

Tue, 02/13/2024 - 5:30am

Come on people! We can do it!!!!! Let’s band together and kick this guy off my couch!!!!!

I’m instituting Free Shippin’ February so some of you folks from away with just skillions of dollars invested in Fried Clams will convert them back into greenbacks and buy Fluffy a MAINE COLLAR. Seriously, I’m doing it because no one ever buys anything in February and I have to sell my skin tags to research scientists on the black market in order to get Fudgie's liver flukes under control. I only have three skin tags left and haven’t been able to check myself fro liver flukes, which shows you how desperate we get in the winter. Hopefully, the whiskey will keep them at bay.

So be a sport and spare me another anesthesia-free back alley skin tag amputation.

ONE THING: Why does this title need an apostrophe at the end of "Shipping?"

Most of you just read, "blah, blah, blah, fried clams, tacos, the apocalypse, shipping..." That's why you all have terrible jobs like cleaning grease traps with live raccoons or helping Mickey Rooney find the bathroom 30 times a day and cutting his pancakes into shapes from the children's book, "Are You My Mother?"

Relax, Chumley! It's just one of those things we do around here to stress how irreverent we are. Any minute now, someone high in the Federal Government is going to come barging through my door and give me a plaque and $12 skillion dollars for being "The Most Irreverent Pet Supply Store Since The Indus River Valley Civilization Collapsed in 1300 BCE."

And boy, will I be happy.

Have a nice day, jackballs.

FREE SHIPPIN' FEBRUARY!!!
USE COUPON CODE: BLAHBLAH
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