When I'm not exposing myself or screaming obscenities on the grounds of the Betty Ford Clinic, I'm always looking for something to help me stand out in a dreary, malodorous, Maine winter.

Remember when I wrote badly about a dog treat company that imploded under the weight of its own incompetence? Instead of spending the rest of my life sniping at these poor numbskulls from the safety of my newsletter, I decided to do something about it.

That's right! There are two other people in town who are as crazy as I am and have their own newsletters. We are working towards making lobster dog treats for the whole world to enjoy! Well, not the whole world. The whole world full of dogs, though.

Look at the photos. We even baked a couple batches. If you look closely, you can actually see little bits of red lobster in the treats. No, not Red Lobster. It’s from Boothbay Harbor!

I know what most of you are thinking. Shouldn't we be directing resources to saving people from diseases and blowing up people who disagree with us ideologically instead of indulging a sub-species that loves to shove their snouts aggressively into our crotches with expensive Maine lobster?

Of course we should.  And we should outlaw coffee until the Middle East is sorted out once and for all.

We've even been coming up with packaging and harder stuff like forming an LLC, getting a wholesaler's license and washing our hands.

And if you're in the area, drop by the shop for a free sample. Better yet, give your dog a free sample. That would really narrow down the liability for us.

LOOK FOR THEM AT YOUR FAVORITE, LOCAL, SARCASTIC, HIGH - STRUNG PET STORE IN SUMMER OF 2024 AND BEYOND!!!

If you are unfortunate enough to be “From Away,” email me your address and I’ll send you a small sample FREE OF CHARGE. Even is you live in Sweden or some other place that doesn't exist like Area 51.

Send an email to fatmax@twosaltydogs.net to get a free Maine Lobster Sample for your dog. NOT YOU.

And PLEASE let us know if your dog liked them!

CLICK HERE FOR MORE EXCERPTS FROM CLASSIFIED INTELLIGENCE: https://mailchi.mp/twosaltydogs/the-salty-paws-march-2024-7226216

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