Logan. Put the fish down. LOGAN. Announce the winners, Logan. LOGAN. Put down the fish. LO-GAN!! The fish!!! Put it down!!! Logan, PUT IT DOWN. NOW!!!

Everyone click that link RIGHT NOW.

That's right. It's our mandatory yearly announcement regarding the winners of our Early Bird Gift Certificate Giveaway you missed.

Here it is. The list. The Winner List as old people would call it.

I assume you nutjobs out there will stop harassing me once I make the winners public. Please don't call the shop in the middle of the night and leave messages that the drawing is rigged or that the shop's "Joke of the Week" sucks.

But before I announce the winners, I'm going to make you suffer through this poem I wrote:

IF YOU SURVIVE

You run, run, run away
It's your heart that you betray
Feeding on your hungry eyes
I bet you're not so civilized

Well isn't love primitive
A wild gift that you wanna give
Break out of captivity
And follow me stereo jungle child
Love is the kill
Your heart's still wild

Shooting at the walls of heartache
Bang, bang
I am the warrior
Well I am the warrior
And heart to heart you'll win
If you survive the warrior, the warrior

You talk, talk, you talk too me
Your eyes touch me physically
Stay with me we'll take the night
As passion takes another bite, oh
Who's the hunter, who's the game
I feel the beat call your name
I hold you close in victory
I don't wanna tame your animal style
You won't be caged in the call of the wild

Shooting at the walls of heartache
Bang, bang
I am the warrior
Well I am the warrior
And heart to heart you'll win
If you survive the warrior, the warrior
I am the warrior

Shooting at the walls of heartache
Bang, bang
I am the warrior
And heart to heart you'll win
If you survive the warrior, the warrior.

-- Don (Not a Dog)

Aren't you glad you read that whole thing through? Here are the Gift Certificate Winners:

$25) Susan Endicott
$25) Melissa Matthews
$25) George Wertime
$25) Karen Dardzinski
$50) Kari Smith
$50) Jessica Nadeau
$100) Kerry Novak

CONGRATULATIONS!!! STOP CALLING!!!!

Our December Newsletter is lonely. Go visit it: https://mailchi.mp/twosaltydogs/the-salty-paws-december-2023-7226160

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