It's the biggest secret around each spring. Who's getting this year's Lifetime Service Award (LSA) from the Boothbay Harbor Rotary Club? I went to the top to find out — choosing longtime friend, former business partner, schoolmate, Rotarian and "very honest" attorney Chip Griffin to get to the "truth." I couldn't be bothered to hunt down the rest of the LSA committee — Rotarians Bruce Tindal, Robin Reed and Brenda Blackman and past LSA recipients Estelle Appel and Laura Honey — for the answer.

Why, you might ask, do you think Chip will spill the beans and not any of the others? Let's just say he knows me as well as I know him. Hey, we almost did a babysitting gig together. You don't remember? We were two-thirds of "Youth Service" back in the '70s (with Cyrus "Sonny" Tupper) and we had the best business slogan around — "Give us a ring and we'll do your thing!"

Now, I didn't have time to snoop around Chip's garbage cans at his office on Atlantic Avenue, nor did I have time to even really talk to him ... he's as busy as I am.

But I put together the following furtive questions for him, wording them just so that only I could figure out who's getting that special plaque. Using the names of past winners who are still living, Chip's answers to the questions got me the answer. Oh yeah! But you readers out there are going to have to wait until sometime on April 21 to find out!

Here goes:

1. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, or some facsimile of the truth?  No way, Jose. Well, I will tell the truth just as much as lawyers, journalists and politicians do.

2. Now, if you and the next LSA winner went out for a boat ride with Stanley "Swing" Lewis, who, besides yourself, would you trust most to steer the boat?  Swing, decades ago, taught all future bus drivers to speed along in those buses, and I imagine Swing would propel boats at high cruising speeds, at least south of Tumbler. Our new LSA winner would be more trustworthy on water during the day, but Swing might have an edge at night.

3. Who's better at throwing a Frisbee, Harry Pinkham or the next LSA winner? Remember...Harry used to deliver the mail. They both excel at winging it. It’s circular logic, but that’s a toss-up!

4. If you had a choice, would you pick Al Roberts or the next LSA winner to be your surrogate parent?  Thank you, this is absolutely your easiest question — I’d pick the new LSA recipient as my parent over Alfred in a heartbeat. I cannot fathom being related to both Al, the God father-figure, and Phil, the devilish uncle.

5. Who would you trust more, George McEvoy or the next LSA winner, to guide you through a maze?  Easy, I trust the LSA winner to the max to lead me out of any labyrinth by following her teeny turtles. Remember our elementary school principal, Edith Dodge, and how she would force you and me a lot through the disciplinary maze, just a stone’s throw outside your own backyard on School Street? George is amazing, but with his current bride, former wives, and arguably all his former girlfriends, he can’t find his way out of his own mazes. Yet, George remains amazing and flies back from Florida or the islands early and then drives over the Bath and Wiscasset bridges and down our 12-mile long common driveway on our peninsula, specifically to attend this LSA event each and every year since he received that award.

6. The next LSA winner must be taller than Mary Brewer, correct? You might be stunned or stunted, as I am stumped by this — I do not know who is taller and would need a tape measure for both, and both would wrap that tape measure around me, lace me with a lecture, and give me a piece of their mind. No way could I do any measuring and get a straight answer. Besides, one is more hunched over than the other, but thankfully you did not ask me who is the most hunched.

7. OK, we all know that Estelle Appel is a great volunteer and always looks her best, but is Estelle or the next LSA winner better at shoveling bait?  Well, based on my lobstering experience on my own and with Bud Brackett in the '60s and '70s, both are natives and great at shoveling even smellier stuff, but I give the clear edge to Estelle, especially in recent years.

8. Curt West — Would he or the next LSA winner win an eating contest? Both are excellent cooks, but Curt easily wins any eating contest, as evidenced by when a bunch of us often go to The Marketplace for breakfast, and Curt bails that chow to him like nobody’s business.

9. Suppose the next LSA winner and Laura Honey went on a shopping trip. Who would bring home the best bargains?  Both like to shop and roam all over the planet. Laura would schlep home the most shopping stuff, but the LSA recipient would bring home the best bargains.

10. Last, but not least (or leash)...Loraine Nickerson and the next LSA winner are to have an arm-wrestling contest. Who's going to win? Loraine would easily triumph, probably from her lifelong experience of wrestling with animal rights opponents and ferociously defending any and all animals, even those Hannaford seagulls who know just when to fly over and onto Loraine’s front yard.