Dear Editor:

I am a second-term, populist president who publicly speculates about an unconstitutional third term.

Mass incarceration of criminals without due process is my top policy goal.

Secretary of State “Little Marco” Rubio is one of my greatest fans and has praised me on X for negotiating “the most unprecedented and extraordinary migratory agreement anywhere in the world.”

I have gained international fame for constructing vast gulags (Terrorism Confinement Centers) to hold illegal immigrants and gang members.

I have declared a State of Emergency to deal with these and other domestic terrorists.

I have exported detainees to other countries to boost my image as being “tough on crime.”

Amnesty International has accused my government of “massive human rights violations.”

My country has the highest incarceration rate in the world. I am very popular; autocrats in other countries are copying my brutal methods of dealing with illegal aliens. Anonymous tips or even tattoos are sufficient evidence for arrests.

Fear of illegal activity has enabled me to accrue vast executive powers; I have gained control over all three branches of government.

I curate my image and announce new policies on social media.

I often appear in public wearing a baseball cap.

Using public money, I buy Bitcoin on my phone, even when sitting on the toilet.

I have sent my soldiers into Congress to prevent its members from legislating against me.

I have ignored federal court orders and replaced the Attorney General with one of my stooges.

I have intimidated journalists and encouraged public threats to silence them.

I am blocking the International Monetary Fund (headquartered in Washington D.C.) from publishing reports on my country’s finances.

I call myself “The World’s Coolest Dictator.”

I am … the “Trump of Central America,” President Nayib Bukele of El Salvador.

Bill Hammond

Boothbay