This is the third in a series of articles on the 5 Rs of Positive Discipline. This, among other topics is being discussed by local parents at the Parent Support Group taking place every other Saturday through April 2017 at the Community Center in the Meadow Mall. Free on-site babysitting is provided by volunteers and Red Cross Certified sitters so that parents can relax and focus during the 2-hour meeting.

The first two articles addressed Reinforce and Respect. This time we’ll review the 3rd of the 5 Rs of Positive Discipline- Redirect. The 5 Rs is an approach to discipline that seeks to avoid problem behavior without using punishment and teaches appropriate ways to behave. Why positive discipline? What’s wrong with using punishment? Punishment is widely used in treatment and society but research shows that it is ineffective and it comes with harmful side effects. Frequent use of punishment leads to:

• Lying and sneakiness. E.g. the child who hides that he’s broken something.
• Fear of and avoidance of the punisher.
• Escape behaviors such as alcohol/drug abuse later in life.
• The child dealing with their frustrations with aggression – yelling, hitting.

When punishment is the only form of discipline used, the child doesn’t learn what they are supposed to be doing. Only what they are not supposed to do. And it chips away at their self-confidence. Consequences should result in the child learning what they should be doing instead.

The word discipline is from the Latin disciplina- to teach disciples. Therefore, when we think of disciplining we need to think… “What are we teaching them?” So when faced with a situation where you anticipate problem behavior or it’s already occurring, try using redirection as an alternative to typical punishment methods such as yelling, accusing, blaming, name calling and lecturing.

Learning how to redirect:

1. Decide upon a positive opposite behavior.
2. Tell them what they can or should be doing instead.
3. Don’t dwell on the problem.
4. Be calm and matter of fact.
5. Provide Descriptive Praise after a minute or two of appropriate behavior.

Identifying the Positive Opposite

Alan E. Kazdin, Director of the Yale Parenting Center in his book The Everyday Parenting Toolkit tells us, any time you think of a behavior you want to decrease, the first thing you say to yourself is “What is the positive opposite?” That is, what exactly is the behavior you want in its place?” For example, your 2-year-old is pulling your books off your bookcase and playing with them while you are trying to get some work done. You are concerned that he will tear some of the pages of your favorite books. A positive opposite behavior you might decide upon would be for him to take children’s books off his own bookcase and look through them. So to redirect the behavior, you help him to put your books back on the shelves and tell him “These are Mommy’s books and they need to stay on my bookcase.” Then, redirect him to his own bookcase to select some books to look through. Once he has taken some of his own books, you can provide brief attention and descriptive praise. E.g. “Good choice, I see you selected your favorite story, Chris. When Mommy’s done her work we’ll read it together.” Make sure to get your work done within a few minutes (or return to it later) and follow through on your promise to read with him. You’ll know you are taking too long if he heads back over to your bookcase again.

There’s room for a few more families (parents or grandparents of kids from preschool to 2nd grade) for these semi monthly sessions. The discussion group meets from 10 a.m. to noon every other Saturday at the Community Center in the Meadow Mall in Boothbay Harbor. For more information, contact Liz Lussier at 633-1162.