Maine humorist John McDonald began collecting stories about life in Down East Maine as a child listening to his grandfather in Washington County. McDonald also has collected plenty of stories of his own as a Maine journalist and radio talk show host. He later shared those stories as a newspaper columnist and author. McDonald shared several of his most memorable stories on June 8 at St. Andrews Village as he read passages from his first book,  “A Moose and Lobster Walk into a Bar.”

McDonald began telling his Down East humor stories as a weekly columnist in The Sun Journal. His column now appears weekly in 18 Maine publications. Fifteen years ago, he collected a box full of columns and approached Islandport Press about adapting his stories into a book. In 2002, Islandport Press published McDonald’s column into his first book.  “A Moose and Lobster Walk into a Bar” is a mix of classic Maine storytelling, stretched truths and wry observations made by McDonald as he introduces his readers to characters extolling Down East humor and Maine sensibility.

About 40 people attended his hour-long reading in Boothbay Harbor. McDonald introduced his audience to his classic Down East characters such as  Uncle Abner, Merrill Minzey and Hollis Eaton. He also imparted some trivia into the presentation by explaining how a mile’s length was determined, how the earmuff was invented in Farmington, and about the time Mark Twain performed in Maine.

McDonald explained the mile is a combination of  the Roman Empire’s mil and a British furlong. A mil is  5,000 feet and the distance a Roman soldier traveled in a thousand paces. The furlong is 660 feet. “Eight times 660 is 5,280 and that’s how you get a mile,” he said.

McDonald later told how Farmington native Chester Greenwood invented the earmuff in 1873. Four years later, Greenwood patented the invention and began mass-producing ear muffs in his hometown. On the 100th anniversary of his patent, Dec. 12. 1977, Farmington began celebrating Chester Greenwood Day each year in the Franklin County town.

Other stories told by McDonald aren’t completely based on fact. He admitted many of his stories are based on a true stories, but some of the details may be “stretched truths.”

“I’m often asked if these stories are real. I will use facts, but only if it helps. I will never let the facts get in the way of a good story,” he said.

McDonald remembered when he got bored with television, he’d visit his grandparents who lived a few houses down the road. “I’d visit my grandparents in Cherryfield and my grandmother would tell my grandfather to stop telling the child so many foolish stories. And I’d say no, don’t stop,” McDonald said.

One of his grandfather’s tales was Mark Twain’s first experience with a Maine audience. Prior to becoming Mark Twain, Samuel Clemens was known for his storytelling and had performed in front of the crowned heads of Europe and for American presidents. Clemens visited his friend William Dean Howell who was the Atlantic Monthly’s publisher. Howell hosted several author renowned authors and storytellers at his Kittery home. All the master storytellers described Maine audiences as the toughest.

Clemens boasted how his stories could melt a Mainer’s icy demeanor. This led to the others setting up a performance in Bangor to see how Clemens handled a tough, Maine audience.

Clemens performed all of his best materials, but he couldn’t get the Bangor audience to burst into laughter. The best he could do was a Down East ovation, a very soft and slow clap. Clemens left the stage immediately following his performance hoping to hear audience members’ comments leaving the theater. Clemens listened as an old Yankee married couple critiqued his performance.

The wife said, “He was the funniest man I’ve ever heard in my life.” The husband said “Mother, he was so funny a couple times I had all I could do from busting out laughing.”

Another of McDonald’s humorous stories recalled how a couple of Down East brothers, Hollis and Thurston Bartlett, got into the shoe business. McDonald described Hollis as “numb as a pounded thumb” and Thurston as “dumb as a haddock.” The boys became infatuated with the price of alligator shoes which cost $150. The most Hollis and Thurston ever paid for fancy, dress shoes was $5. So they headed to Brazil to hunt alligators and get into the fancy, dress shoe business. Six months later a friend from Washington County went to Brazil to check on the boys’ progress. The friend found Hollis wrestling a 21-foot alligator.

“Thurston, if this alligator ain’t wearing any shoes then we are heading home,” Hollis said.

Other books written by McDonald include  “The Maine Dictionary,” “Down the Road a Piece,” and “Moose Memoir and Lobster Tales: As True as Maine Stories Ought to Be.”