YOU’RE BEING RIPPED OFF BY THESE PEOPLE
Free Shippin' February was a financial disaster forecast by Liana, the accountant I married. And if there's one thing I absolutely HATE is my accountant being right.
So my relationship with my accountant is on the rocks just like my whiskey right now. Unfortunately, I am beseeching you to set my most important human relationship right by buying a collar or something from this stupid newsletter.
But when you think about it, the whole reason I'm begging you now is because you didn't buy anything last month, so technically this is all your fault.
I expect an apology or a purchase from you slackballs. Send all apologies here: firstname.lastname@example.org
In other news, the Grand Jury is only holding me to the treason charge. Thanks for your support. Please send letters and feces/cigarette butts to:
Little Donny Kingsbury
10 Penitentiary Trail
Block 53, Cell 09
c/o Prison Bitch Rory
Florence CO 37479
I'm not putting leashes on sale because you can already rip me off for those by choosing a matching leash with a collar. If you want a Weiss Walkie, I don't know what to tell you. Or just call me up and ask me. I'm that desperate for human contact.
Use Coupon Code: SUPERMAX
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