I scrolled down the latest Democrat presidential polls and found former Vice President Joe Biden was still in the lead, followed by senators Elizabeth Warren, Kamala Harris, Bernie Sanders, and South Bend Mayor Pete Buttigieg.
The rest of the 20-plus field is polling at or less than 1 percent.
Nowhere did I find our favorite local candidate, Ms. Pigette. So I gave her a call. "Do you think it is time for you and the rest of the ‘also-rans’ to pull the plug and drop out,”I asked.
She answered with a string of nouns and adjectives I had not heard since I mustered out of the Marine Corps.
As usual, she was standing at the side of Route 27 holding up a mailbox where she sees all and tells all. "I know. I know," she snapped into a smartphone. "Nothing seemed to work for me either. I just couldn't gain any traction with the electorate. I even wrapped myself in patriotic bunting, and it didn't seem to matter. I guess I will have to withdraw from the race."
I resisted the chance to say "I told you so.” She is a lady, and rubbing her nose in the truth is not a thing you do to a proper lady – or anyone else, for that matter.
Then she asked the big question. "I got a few nice campaign donations and wondered if I have to give them back?"
"How much,” I asked.
"If you must know, I got mostly promises and a few checks. I got only one cash donation, and I am keeping it no matter what you think. It came from the Pork Producers Association. I think it was a gag."
"Well," I said. “The gag is on them. Now you will have enough cash to keep your cell phone charged."
She muttered a few more unprintable words then whispered: "I guess I was on an ego trip like John Hickenlooper and that New York City mayor guy. I heard all this political gossip about how the incumbent is so unpopular and thought I might slip into the mix – and pick up a few fat checks. But, no dice.
“Come to think about it, what was I thinking? Most folks are tired of candidates who believe they can be president if they have enough cash. You know, it would be nice to have a major presidential candidate who at least knows that George Washington didn't have an Air Force, and doesn't have to be told that the Brits are the good guys and the Russians are the bad guys."
Her phone seemed to cut out as a truckload load of steel bound for Washburn & Doughty’s East Boothbay shipyard rumbled past. When it clicked back on, I suggested lots of folks on both sides were sitting on their hands waiting for the Mueller Report.
That got her going again.
"They wanted a savior named Mueller to drop a brick on the head of the current occupant of the White House. When his report didn't hammer him in the first two pages of the 400-page report, the Washington pols just forgot about it. And, it looks like most folks, and the entire Washington political class, are not even bothering to read the damn thing."
“Dammit. The Mueller Report explains that the Russian military attacked the 2016 Presidential election and is most likely to try to rig the 2020 edition. Where is the outrage? From anyone?"
I thought about it for a moment and suggested to Ms. P that time for impeachment based on the Mueller report has run out, as we are already in the 2020 election season. And, leaders on both sides learned that the voters (and the founding fathers) don't like using impeachment as a political gimmick. The Republicans impeached Bill Clinton for fibbing about an out of bounds love affair. The electorate then hammered the GOP in the next election. By the way, did you know Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh was a GOP lawyer helping with that probe?
That made Ms. P get serious. "Voters on both sides have got to stop thinking that a savior will appear in a podcast, and fix everything," she said.
I told her a recent Washington Post poll said registered voters view the top demo candidates in a dead heat with the incumbent. But, all non-registered voters say they favor the Democratic candidates.
"Of course, old scribbler. It seems the path is clear. If you love or hate the incumbent, you better get off your duff and work if you want to get invited to the next inaugural ball.
“In this new age of smartphones and internet trolls, you still win elections by identifying voters who agree with you, getting them registered, and getting them to the polls. You win by working together. Nuff said."