WE LOVE HATE MAIL!

Wed, 08/11/2021 - 8:00am

A very actualized woman strides into the shop on a busy Thursday and demands:

"Where do you eat?"

ME: "My house! DID I JUST WIN A JACKPOT?!?!?! I could really use some money, lady. See, the rototiller crashed into the side of the shed and got just a mess of chicken manure all over little Lucinda's frock, so we couldn't go to the tractor pull where my first cousin had 3 tractors entered. Lots of people thought that he shouldn't ought to be allowed to enter 3 tractors because of all the brake fluid he huffs, but I think a man's tractors should be separate from what he does on his free time. What do you think?"

AW: <<Undeterred>> "What are the best restaurants on the East Side?"

ME: "Of Manhattan? That's probably Tavern on the Green. But technically, that's in Central Park and not on the East Side. It would be very easy for you to get there, though. Just go up Route 27 and turn left on Route 1. Next stop, New York!"..

AW: <<Snippy>> "No, No, No... The East Side of Boothbay..."

ME: "I'm not sure there IS an East Side of Boothbay..."

AW: "It's right over there!" -- pointing to Enchantments.

ME: "That's Enchantments. They don't serve food."

AW: <<Irritated>> "Just write down the best restaurants in this town at the bottom of this flyer." <<Thrusts the flyer at me ahead of a paying customer>>

ME: "I'm a local, lady. I can't afford to eat at any restaurants here. But I'll let you chew on some of my corn stalks. Sometimes you'll find a earwig in them, but I checked real good this morning before I stole them from Mrs. Exhaustmanifold's garden, so help yourself."

AW: "I just want a good place to eat."

ME: "You might want to consider the East Side of Boothbay Harbor. That place has some great restaurants. But none of them will let me back after I messed up that magic trick and the Federal Department of 3-Toed Sloths wrote us a $50,000 dollar fine for having a naked Lemur in the presence of schoolchildren. It pretty much ruined everyone's Canadian Thanksgiving Day....."

AW: "Is there a place to get a lobster roll here?"

ME: "What's a lobster roll?"

AW: Flees out of the shop, map in hand, never to be seen again.

ME: << Calling after her >> "I think we need to exchange insurance information!"

~ Don (Not a Dog)

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