Fri, 11/06/2020 - 4:00pm


The Salty Paws                              November 2020


9e0e413d-7d05-4114-8e75-3494a0ee37ec.jpg2020 is a dismal year-- Viruses, Social Isolation, Buddy pooping all over the place, We didn't win Downeast Dog News's Best of the Best Contest OR Downeast Magazine's Best of the Best Contest, Political Strife, and a Terrible Sports Season.

But hey, seven years was quite a run. Thanks to everyone who voted for us in the Downeast Dog News's reader's poll over the years and especially this year.

And we know this means we're a sucky pet supply store. Please don't send me an email letting me know.

Of course November is the month you will have to suffer my insufferable pleas to buy stuff in our yearly Hyper-Gigantic-Colossal-Stupendous-Outstanding ANNUAL EARLY BIRD SALE! We do this as a public service and for the greater community. Haha! Just kidding! We just need a lot of money to pull scads of tumors off our dogs. We just pulled 2 off Teddy, Auggie needs one pulled out near his wee wee, and Max has a baseball sized one on his belly. We also have a penchant for Fabrege eggs.

Early Bird will be very different this year-- without the usual crush of people early in the morning. But WITH a HUGE crush on our website. Read more if you dare/want to.

Background: I use this stupid graphic to let our Facebook and Boothbay Register followers know we're going to be closed for a blizzard the next day.

Actual Email Received One Sunday Morning at 3:15am: "You might think your funny making fun. But I you wont be so funny when the Marine Resources finds out about it."

Response: "I DO think I'm making fun. But please don't tell The Maine Department of Marine Resources about this until I get some tartar sauce together. Also, if your family and friends already haven't begged you, will you please give Alcoholics Anonymous a shot?"

Dog Bless.

~~ Don (Not a Dog)

P.S: The Winners of October's BRLT Challenge are Vallery T. and Robin J. The correct answer was "Zak Preserve." The Bare Bites are on the way to you! There is no BRLT challenge for November. :(


The Coal Shack

This time last year I told you about a plantar wart that was killing me. Plantar warts are evil little things that form on the bottom of your feet- making even the slightest bit of walking a horrible ordeal. As Buddy says, "Sometimes you get old and strange things happen to you." Plantar warts are strange indeed. My doctor said I most likely contracted it because of my unhealthy lifestyle. She says that about most of the things I enjoy.

I immediately realized that I never updated you all on the status of my plantar wart for an entire year.  How could I treat my loyal assemblage so thoughtlessly? I'm sure many of you out there were wracked with worry and could hardly approach a normal semblance of life with my unresolved plantar wart status.

So in the interest of closure: I ended up hacking the wart out of my foot with a dull, rusty X-acto knife sometime in February after consuming most of a bottle of Southern Comfort.

Just kidding!!! It faded away on its own and I never heard from it again. I'll let you know if it sends a postcard from San Tropez or something. PROMISE.




Saturday, November 21st

I'm not bothering to put a bunch of on-sale stuff in this bothersome newsletter this month. That's because EVERYTHING* in the shop is on sale on November 21st. How much you save depends on how lazy you are.

We are doing things a little differently this year because of The Covids. Instead of opening our doors at 5am for a cattle-crush of people looking for 40% off, we're trying to switch more of it to the website.


You can come to the store between 10am - 5pm on November 21st and get a respectable 22.583% off just about everything*. WE ARE NOT OPENING THE SHOP EARLY.


You can shop on our World-Famous website for the REALLY BIG Discounts.

Use this handy table to calculate how much you could save on our website based on how lazy you are.



Everyone who takes part in Early Bird is eligible to win one of 5 Gift Certificates. 

Grand Prize:     (1) $100 Gift Certificate
Second Prize:   (2) $50 Gift Certificates
Third Prize:       (2) $25 Gift Certificates
Online orders are automatically entered into the drawing and there's a signup form in the shop. If you are particularly cheap, you can send me an email and enter that way. We'll draw the winners that night on Facebook Live at one of the local bars that is open and still lets me drink there.



*EVERYTHING EXCEPT: Dog Houses, Items already on sale, Pet ID tags, Food, Seresto Flea and Tick Collars, and Pet Photography sessions, and a bunch of other stuff I decide at the last minute I'm going to lose a whole bunch of money on.


Sniffin' Around

The Boothbay Region





I've said it before; our website is ancient. Sure, it wasn't constructed by the Phoenicians or anything. But it WAS constructed by a Canadian, and as such needs a major overhaul.

We've been fooling around with blinking lights and subliminal messages that make people buy more stuff for their thankless pets.

We're hoping to have everything up and running for This November's Early Bird. Failing that, it will most certainly be up for Early Bird 2021.

Anyway, click on the picture above or HERE for a sneak peek at our visually-tantalizing, wallet-emptying venture into a cutthroat world of wider web sales.

Pray for us. Or at least send us a bunch of money. And don't forget to let us know how you would do everything completely different because you are a genius.



 Buddy's 15th Birthday!

Monday, November 23rd

Buddy is so old he looks like a knot in our firewood pile.

Perhaps one day, old Fuddy Buddy will ascend to heaven, leaving only his fossilized earthly remains and poop as a testament to his strange life. Maybe he'll explode in a flash of stinkyness to be reincarnated as a particle physicist. Perhaps he'll just keep going on and on- emitting nose-scalding farts, having birthdays, and sleeping 22 hours a day. I'm OK with any of that.

Usually, we'd have a little party at the shop and a cake for Old Bud, but things being what they are, we'll probably have the celebration at home.

People emailed me after reading his last Blog "The Ocean and the Sky" and said they were so sorry that we had lost him. When I responded that he was fine and just got a clean bill of health from Dr. Dean Domyer, people said I shouldn't play with their heartstrings so cavalierly and unsubscribed from the newsletter. 

Playing with your heartstrings is what Buddy DOES, people.




Max and Aug's Dog Blog


94cdca45-26f0-46c8-a036-cadf6f084253.jpgSorry about the grainy picture. It was part of a larger one where we put Max in a glittery bow tie, slid a comfy living room chair next to the kitchen table, and gave him his Birthday Meal. I think we blew a fuse inside his little dog brain because he hasn't been the same  since.

Max isn't like any dog Liana and I have ever owned before. He can reason things out to his benefit. He can play dumb or smart to get what he wants. And what he wants is usually my side of the bed or food.

He runs out in downpours multiple times so he can get toweled off multiple times. He walks off the trail instead of on it. He likes to be tucked into bed. And now he's writing a heist novel about stealing a spiral ham.

So grab a cup of cocoa or fortified wine & click on "Day of the Dogs - Volume I" by Maximus Gary Kingsbury. 

See You Next Month!

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