The power of love in the face of serious illness

Wed, 07/20/2016 - 8:00am

“One morning, Kate was too tired to dance or play with Daniel. She began to spend a lot of time sleeping and did not eat much. Their parents were always watching her, even when she was asleep” …  “Kate got many cards and presents because she was sick. ‘Why don't I get anything,’ Daniel asked angrily.” … “Daniel began to find pieces of Kate's blond hair all over the house. When his grandmother saw him pulling on his curls she said gently, “Your hair will not fall out.” … “Daniel was still worried and asked, “Will I get sick too?”

These are excerpts from Sally Loughridge's latest book, “Daniel and His Starry Night Blanket,” an account of fictional parents facing a reality none of us would want to face: one of their two children has been diagnosed with cancer.

Loughridge had completed some of the paintings in the story around 2008 and at the time the book was not going to be about a family dealing with cancer.

“It took me a long time. I often did the paintings before the words,” Loughridge said. “As a child psychologist I decided years ago that I wanted to write a book about the natural growth of a child. Development varies from child to child and I thought I could illustrate some of that in the book. Every child has a 'transitional object' — a stuffed animal, and most often, a blanket. The blanket is a metaphor, and literal representation, of a transitional object — and how children use and need that object, and how they use it changes as they grow older.”

But after the author was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2010, underwent chemotherapy and emerged a survivor, she thought maybe someone in Daniel's family should have cancer too. The book would explore how a young child (Daniel is aged 4-6 in the story) and a healthy family would deal with it.

“It all came together being a child psychologist, painter and cancer survivor,” Loughridge said. “I went back to the paintings and added an older sister, Kate.”

Lougridge did some checking — to see how many other books were out there about children with cancer — and most of the existing books on the subject concerned a sick younger child.

“I wanted to use a younger child that, over time, could understand better. This covers a two-year period and shows how all of the family relationships evolve over the journey,” Loughridge said.

The brother and sister in this story are very close. When Kate becomes too tired to play and sleeps most of the time, the parents take her to the doctor and the dreaded diagnosis is given. Kate is 7 years old.

Daniel, aged 4, doesn't understand what this means. His father tries to explain to his young son just what 'cells' are in simplified terms. Daniel wants to know if Kate will be better by Saturday — in time for the parade.

“Kids at that age don't understand (the concept of) time and how long some things can take. That doesn't usually happen until around age 10,” Lougridge explained.

Children Daniel's age also don't really understand the difference between catching a cold from your brother or sister and catching cancer. When Daniel's grandmother tells him his hair will not fall out, he's not so sure. When Kate has caught colds, Daniel has come down with a cold too.

“But this family did some neat things,” Loughridge said. “They find quiet, less energetic ways for Daniel to spend time with Kate, the parents have Daniel draw a picture of Kate before she got sick, they take Daniel to her first trip to chemo for her medicine so he understands what is happening.”

Still, the tension and worry the parents have about their ill first born surfaces one day when Daniel is playing too loudly while Kate is sleeping. Daniel's dad whispers angrily at him to quiet down. But, the next day they go to a baseball game and get as loud as they wish cheering. During the ride home Daniel's dad uses the moment to teach his son that there are times and places when being loud is okay — and others when it isn't. Like when Kate is resting.

“I wanted to show empathy for the healthy child, show some of the emotions they might have, as well as those of the ill child, and the parents. This book is a therapeutic tool to help with communication and to help with all of the emotions felt by each of the family members,” said Loughridge. “How do you maintain hope? It's a tricky juggling situation.”

Lougridge has suggestions at the end of the story for parents with their children, age-related activities for children, families, adult discussion groups, therapists and counselors helping families through a very hard time.

Tookie Bright, a licensed clinical social worker at the Patrick Dempsey Center for Cancer Hope & Healing in Lewiston, said,  “Loughridge's book is a compassionate and validating story for families balancing the needs of all their children when a child is diagnosed with cancer …”

Loughridge has also heard from parents of children with cystic fibrosis and other diseases who have told her the issues they face are the same as the family in her book.

“This book resonates with so many people; some who know a family that's been through it, and even those who haven't been through it — people who just have healthy empathy.”

Children were Sally Loughridge's professional focus for three decades as a child psychologist. Retired now for 17 years, the well-being of children — and their families — is still playing a significant role in her life. The artist and author has lived in Bristol since 1999 and every day Loughridge immerses herself in her art, specializing in land and sea scapes ... and writing and illustrating books.

For more information on the artist/author: www.sallyloughridge.com.

“Daniel and His Starry Night Blanket,” published in the fall of 2015, won the Gelett Burgess Book Awards Gold Medal the same year. This summer it was awarded The Literary Classics Gold Medal. The book is available at Sherman's Book & Stationery, Sherman's Maine Coast Books and Amazon.